Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
