After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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