she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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