i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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