You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
