Sry I called you an 8
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
