so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
