just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
