So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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