In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
