You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
