I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
