Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
