if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
