You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
