D3 body, D1 cock
I'm so fucking centered right now
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
