if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Randomize
