Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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