White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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