i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Houston, we have a blender
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
