So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
