I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
