That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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