I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize