I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
