Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
