so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
