My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
