i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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