I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
