I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
