Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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