Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
