I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
