not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
