I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
