It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
