dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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