God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
