you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
