I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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