My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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