you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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