Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
