I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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