apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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