i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize