You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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