You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
