I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just had sex on a roof
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
