I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
