Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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