watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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