I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
