I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
