i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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