dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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