Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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