Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize