pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
