Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
