His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
