nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
