She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
