kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
