So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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