she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
