our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize