we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
