I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
