When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
