You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
