It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize