Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
