I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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